Ludicrous DisplayFootball conversation for men who don’t watch football. American edition.
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Friday 9 October 2026

· Issue No. 2
Week 5 · covering games of Tue 6 – Thu 8 Oct
This is Issue No. 2 (Fri 9 Oct). The latest is Issue No. 3, Mon 12 Oct »

If you only read one thing

  • Bears · Not played yet“The Bears? Sunday, at Green Bay, one o’clock. Three and one going in. I wouldn’t say more than that before kick-off.”
  • Packers · Not played yet“Packers? Not till Sunday, at home to the Bears. Two and two. I’m reserving judgement, which is what two and two is for.”
  • Steelers · Not played yet“The Steelers have the Colts at home on Sunday. Two and two. I’d call that a team still making up its mind.”
How it works: Find your team. Say the opener. Nod at whatever comes back, then read out the matching answer. If it goes badly, fall back on the thing about them and look into the middle distance. None of our three has played since the last issue.

Chicago Bears — Phrasebook

CHIlogo
Bears: Not played yetTheir game falls after this issue · now 3–1
No game. Say this instead:“The Bears? Sunday, at Green Bay, one o’clock. Three and one going in. I wouldn’t say more than that before kick-off.”
IF THEY REPLY
  • “Bears and Packers on Sunday, then.”
    “Three and one against two and two. Records are for people who didn’t watch the games.”
  • “Did you catch the Bears on Thursday?”
    “They didn’t play on Thursday. Only Tampa Bay and Dallas did. Nice try, though.”
THE THING ABOUT THE BEARS IS…“…the record says three and one, and the record hasn’t had to go to Green Bay yet.”
BLUFF DIFFICULTY 1/5 — Nothing to explain. Say “Sunday” and leave.
Next game: at Green Bay Packers, Sun 11 Oct, 1:00 PM ET
At Green Bay on Sunday. You will be asked about this one.   Link to this card
Top ↑ | Next: Packers »

Green Bay Packers — Phrasebook

GBlogo
Packers: Not played yetTheir game falls after this issue · now 2–2
No game. Say this instead:“Packers? Not till Sunday, at home to the Bears. Two and two. I’m reserving judgement, which is what two and two is for.”
IF THEY REPLY
  • “Bears at Green Bay on Sunday, then.”
    “Two and two against three and one. The Bears have the better record and the Packers have the house. Swings and roundabouts.”
  • “Did the Packers play this week?”
    “Not yet. Only Tampa Bay and Dallas have played since Monday. I’d keep that quiet in the canteen.”
THE THING ABOUT THE PACKERS IS…“…a team at two and two can be anything you like for a week, and they are making full use of it.”
BLUFF DIFFICULTY 1/5 — Quiet week. Nod at the calendar.
Next game: vs Chicago Bears, Sun 11 Oct, 1:00 PM ET
The Bears at home on Sunday. Pick neither side out loud.   Link to this card
Top ↑ | Next: Steelers »

Pittsburgh Steelers — Phrasebook

PITlogo
Steelers: Not played yetTheir game falls after this issue · now 2–2
No game. Say this instead:“The Steelers have the Colts at home on Sunday. Two and two. I’d call that a team still making up its mind.”
IF THEY REPLY
  • “Steelers and Colts on Sunday.”
    “One o’clock, at home. Two and two going in, which is the most honest record in football: it admits nothing.”
  • “Anything happen with the Steelers this week?”
    “Nothing that counts. Only Tampa Bay and Dallas have played since Monday, and neither of them is Pittsburgh.”
THE THING ABOUT THE STEELERS IS…“…two and two is what you’d get by tossing a coin, so Sunday is really about the coin.”
BLUFF DIFFICULTY 1/5 — Nothing happened. Say “Colts on Sunday” and look busy.
Next game: vs Indianapolis Colts, Sun 11 Oct, 1:00 PM ET
The Colts at home on Sunday. One o’clock, if anyone asks.   Link to this card
Top ↑ | Elsewhere »

Elsewhere in the League

TBlogo
DALlogo		Buccaneers 24, Cowboys 16
Tampa Bay, 0–4 coming in, won 24–16 at Dallas; Bucky Irving’s 72-yard run set up the touchdown that put them ahead.“Nought and four, then a win in Dallas. That’s not a turnaround, that’s a typo.”Q3 14:54 B.Irving left tackle pushed ob at DAL 14 for 72 yards (C.Downs).

Today's Poll

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

All the Scores

  • Buccaneers 24, Cowboys 16

Teams

Archive

  • Mon 12 Oct · Week 5
    Bears give it away five times; Packers miss three kicks, win by 24; two Warrens, one Steeler.
  • Fri 9 Oct · Week 5
    No Bears, Packers or Steelers this time; Bears at Packers on Sunday. Tampa Bay win at last.
  • Tue 6 Oct · Week 4
    Steelers lose to a 56-yard kick; Bears keep the ball for 9:16; Packers win, nobody pleased.

Full archive »

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